There are common themes that emerge when working with clients.  Often it is around an idea of trying something different, and getting outside of a comfort zone.  When people desire to get outside that comfort zone (be it to start a business, take on a new skill set, or leave an unfulfilling relationship) the same thing happens to each of us, no matter how big or small the thing we are considering:  monkey mind kicks in.  And the clinical/physiological reasons for it are fascinating (and maybe I’ll write about those too someday) but here’s the bottom line: the monkey mind swings from worry to doubt and from doubt to worry and nothing- NOTHING gets done- (unless of course you get that monkey mind back under control).  The interesting thing, the comforting thing, is that the monkey mind is universal.  All people in all cultures experience the worry and doubt when a big idea needs to be made real.   

And as the monkey swings from worry to doubt, the smallest vision of who you really are comes straight to the surface and even the most confident among us can suddenly fear that they are too stupid, too untalented, too (fill in the blank) to do whatever big thing it is that drove them to experience the monkey mind in the first place.  It’s because of this that I believe so many people are change averse, and settle for work, relationships, and lives that don’t fulfill them.  That’s why when clients experience the monkey mind I’m actually pretty happy about it because it’s a GOOD sign that they are up to something worthwhile.

The big difference therefore, between those who get more (meaning, success, fulfillment) and those who settle for far less, is learning to manage the monkey mind.  Here are two things I’ve observed that are helpful:

·         Cough it up.  Because the monkey mind swings from one thing to another with great gusto, you can take most of the gusto out of that swing by simply bringing the fear out into the light of day.  Say it out loud, or write it out on paper.  Write out each and every fear and give yourself full permission to express even the silly ones.  For example, if a client wants a different job that they would actually love but that has less income security, the fear, when coughed up, may look like this:  “I’m not sure I’m organized enough to handle the position.  And if I’m not, I may not make enough money, and then what if my spouse loses her job and then we can’t pay our bills and then we would be homeless on the street and I would be so ashamed I’d die.  And then they’d die because who would be left to take care of them?  I think I need to just stay where I am.”  And this may seem like hyperbole but honestly, when given free rein to cough up their worries and fears until the last dirty detail is exposed, truly smart, normal, rational people think this way.  This is monkey mind, doing its thing. 

Once exposed most people feel relieved, calm, grounded, and able to think more clearly.  They can see the simple strategies that evade them when the monkey mind is on the rampage… like saving up for 6 months to provide a financial cushion so they can take the risk (with a safety net) and get out of the job they are miserable in and get into the one they might love.  It’s not rocket science but simple things are hard to see when you are rattled by worry and doubt.  Know  that monkey mind is normal and universal. See it for what it is and remember that you are more than the sum of your worries and fears.

·         Take action.  So often people who want to take on something big want to wait and wait and wait to figure out HOW instead of just getting started.  I remember when I started my business I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.  Had I waited and waited until I had all the information I needed to start I’d still be waiting because ten years later, I’m still figuring things out.  But someone special gave me a kick in the pants, so I printed up some cheesy $26 business cards, signed up for some training and bam… SCC was born.  And that’s not to say that planning isn’t important.  I do strategic planning at least once a year and that’s all fine and good but once you have a sense of what you want, do something, anything, one tiny baby step to get rolling and get rolling already.  Eventually you find all of the pieces to create your path with, but if you are waiting for them to show up on your door step it’s going to be a loooooong wait.

My greatest wish for anyone reading this is that you have monkey mind more often.  If you are stretching yourself, and playing a bigger game, you’ll get monkey mind all the time and that’s a good thing.  I also wish you great resourcefulness in managing that monkey mind so that you can take action on that goal or dream that you’ve been holding out on.